Gah.

[balinares]

In these here columns, I intended to make a post about tech-related stuff, because it's been a while and I was in a mood to anthropomorphize electronic components anyway.

Instead I must shed the recent horror right away by committing it to public words before it encysts in the back of my consciousness and leaves me forever traumatized:

HE PUKED ALL OVER ME.

Gah.

The horror. You think it the sort of thing that only happens to others, like venereal diseases or baldness. And then... Everything goes so fast. You're holding your son in your arms, crooning soothingly to him so he falls asleep, and bam. By the time the sudden white-ish protrusion from the kid's mouth registers on you, your sleeve already feels warm and soggy.

But that, my friends, is but the beginning.

Like the small tremors that are followed by the big earthquake, it gets better. And there you are, assessing damage from what you think is the last one, but then another comes, and somehow, somehow, it's bigger still.

And there's this very slightly sick smell like warm curdled milk...

At least I guess I can be proud of my son's capacity. Dude.

Thank heavens for C., who materialized right away when I started bawling, and took charge, ever unflappable. (Sometimes I suspect she truly loves everything about her baby. I'm not gonna inquire.)

I'll tolerate babies when they bear half my genome, but baby puke remains right out. c_c

Well, bah. Something like this had to happen sooner or later, you know?

Then C. cleaned up and we sat for dinner. C. suggested we have ice cream for dessert, to make me feel better.

I said: "Maybe not dairy, love."

Comments

[chamois-shimi.livejournal.com]

It will get better. Really. Just you wait until he's about 2 or 3 years old, eating REAL food, with a BIG stomach, which means when he vomits all over you it's real vomit, with ... chunks.

And you're holding him on the couch which you can't just throw in the washer and so you frantically try to *CATCH* the vomit on yourself to protect the upholstery ...

Er, um ... sorry, was I laughing? I didn't mean to, really I didn't. But I am laughing. Ahem. I'll try to stop now.

[balinares.livejournal.com]

S'okay, the whole point of this was to turn the event into something to laugh at, anyway. :)

And... I'm sorry to say, the very same thought came to me about the couch. Quickly followed by: "Let the damn thing die, he got some on ME!"

c_c

Thank heavens for that Y chromosome, because without it... I'd make a horrible mother.

[footpad.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling C. would make a terrible mother if she had a Y chromosome too. I'm sure men can be as infinitely patient and nurturing as women, but personally I think that general saintly patience is genetic.

Congratulations, in any case, on your baptism of... uh...'

[balinares.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad for our current arrangement: I take care of her and she takes care of kiddo.

Now I only need to enlist someone to take care of me... :D

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

*grin* I thought the same exact thing. Toddler vomit is the worst - they're too little to manage it well but old enough so it's not just a little sour milk. :-)

[balinares.livejournal.com]

... The wonders of my life never cease. ;_;

[itsnot4you.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I just can't stop laughing.

[balinares.livejournal.com]

Then my purpose here is accomplished. ^^ *hugs!*

[kelfstein.livejournal.com]

Has he hosed you down yet? If not that should be one of your next adventures.
lol

[balinares.livejournal.com]

No, not yet. I can't wait. ;_;

[kefen.livejournal.com]

Woot! Weren't we all waiting for that to happen?

The chocolate, love, the chocolate! Takes the smelly hurt way!

[balinares.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, chocolate was had, in generous quantities. :|

And just you wait till you get puked on. ;)

[kefen.livejournal.com]

I'll make sure to wear puke-proof clothes next time then — or at least clothes I can throw away afterward to my boyfriend's utter delight.

[unciaa.livejournal.com]

Projectile baby vomit! And he looks so innocent in the photos. :3

[balinares.livejournal.com]

He's my son. What did you expect? ;_;

[unciaa.livejournal.com]

A silly hat.







:3

[balinares.livejournal.com]

[weasely.livejournal.com]

It's like a pukefest on a carnival ride! One person pukes, which makes someone else puke, which makes three more people puke, and so on and so forth!

[balinares.livejournal.com]

I have never personally encountered this particular situation.

... Thank heavens for small blessings. c_c

[bossgoji.livejournal.com]

You're a braver man than I am, Gungadin. Kids freak me right out.

[balinares.livejournal.com]

I do relate somewhat with the feeling, but -- it's complicated. Essentially you want to make a little someone with someone you love, and the 'baby' phase is but one of the steps to there. When you're dealing with someone else's kid, in essence, you get but an instant and not necessarily pleasant snapshot of the whole thing; when it's your own kid, it's not just 'a screeching baby', but the whole extent of him becoming that little someone, who squirms noisily in your arms.

... Am I even making the slightest bit of sense there?

[bossgoji.livejournal.com]

I think Scrubs described it as "like getting a puppy that learns how to talk."